16 days of coronavirus?

This has been the craziest past 16 days of my life. I am wanting to document it all to help me process the madness that this has been.

16 days ago I started to come down with a cough. I could tell right away something was in my lungs. Not just a "I have phlegm" type of cough but a "Ok I'm sick now" cough. It was pretty persistent but I didn't think much of it until I had a fever a day later. Annie also had a fever so I figured I was just getting the cold she was. I had a pretty intense fever and tiredness for two days but didn't take any medication because, frankly, fevers help me sleep better! At one point before bed, I took my fever and it was 102, but I didn't take it in the night and the fever broke several hours later, I think. Still, I didn't think much of it and went on with life. The next day I went outside to play with my daughter and started feeling like I was going to faint. I couldn't seem to catch my breath but all I was doing was walking slowly toddler-pace. I came inside and laid down, pretty freaked out that all of a sudden I couldn't breathe. I knew that I probably would get bronchitis (I get it almost every time I get any kind of cold - my sinuses have a hard time getting out the virus and it usually progresses to bronchitis and a persistent cough). But even with the five times I've gotten bronchitis, I've never felt like I did then - short of breath and faint. I immediately went inside and laid down in my bed because schools were shutting down, works were switching to teleworking from home from the coronavirus scare.

I spent basically two full days laying in bed all day trying to just deep breathe. Have you ever felt like you couldn't breathe? It is a terrifying feeling. It makes you feel anxious and that makes it even worse. Not to mention that it's a symptom of the virus EVERYONE is talking about, closing schools over, buying tons of toilet paper over - coronavirus.

Annie got over her fever and cough pretty quickly. It seemed to linger and manifest itself in strange ways - she looked fine but acted crazy and exhausted. She had a minor runny nose. Then a few days later fell asleep in weird places. But overall she was fine. Samuel got the fever and cough and it lasted less than 24 hours. All while I seemed to be getting worse and worse.

After a few days of laying in bed, I started to get intense diarrhea, abdominal pain, and lack of appetite. The idea of putting one bite of food in my mouth made me want to puke. I tried to keep eating nonetheless and drinking people I knew getting malnourished would not be a good idea. I could breathe okay, but I was mostly just EXTREMELY FATIGUED and could feel rumblings in my chest when I breathed. Was I making this up? Maybe my stomach pain and nausea was just from the anxiety I was feeling surrounding this illness that was literally in the media EVERYWHERE? Maybe I was just imagining these symptoms. Maybe they were getting worse just from being isolated in my room all day for several days. I had since turned off my phone, put it in airplane mode, and started stopping myself from getting on the internet because it caused me too much anxiety. Samuel thought it might be a good idea to try and relieve some of the anxiety and isolation by going for a run. He thought all my symptoms were just in my head. I said there was no way in the world I could go running. But then a woman went running by as we were getting in our car for a drive and he said, "See look, she's doing it!" So I thought, "Ok, maybe I am making this up. Maybe a job would help my nausea."

BAD IDEA. I did actually run a mile. But after I got in the car, I felt full-body fatigue, tightening of my lungs, and just like I was about to die. We decided to go to the clinic because I obviously was not making this up. After telling the PA my symptoms, she listened to my lungs. I told her I might have some rumbling in the left side of my lungs but after listening, she said it was all over my entire lungs, with some wheezing. She started me on a nebulizer treatment and said that I might have pneumonia given my diarrhea/lack of appetite and advised I start on azithromycin. Of course, she denied me testing because I "hadn't been in contact with a confirmed case or been out of state" and "because [I] am mostly healthy otherwise." Hmmm. She also gave me an inhaler and said we could do a chest x-ray, but seemed not very persuasive because the treatment plan would be the same.

I went home and started taking the medication. The fatigue I felt was unlike any I'd ever experienced, as was the diarrhea and abdominal pain. I also had several nights where I couldn't sleep hardly at all due to anxiety about dying over this illness. It was very real and several days I had to just listen to church music to calm myself and just lay there trying to focus on breathing. Several days went by of resting and thinking I was getting better then just to have worsening breathing and worse nausea. It was such a rollercoaster. Then Sunday around 1 pm, I just felt an extreme tiredness like nothing I had ever felt. I could not move a muscle in my bed and had to just focus on each breathe, which seemed like running a marathon each time. The kids came in and tried to crawl on me but I couldn't even muster the energy to tell them to stop playing with my stuff or to call Samuel to get them. I could not move. It started to freak me out and I felt like that for hours. I started to get a low-grade fever which also freaked me out, but it was short-lived and might have been my body's last-ditch effort to fight off this crazy virus.

My family convinced me to go the hospital (things didn't SEEM to be getting better as far as fatigue and breathing went). I went to the ER and spent an excruciating hour in the waiting room of the ER, using all my strength to try to just stay in the chair and not fall out. Or to lift my water bottle to my mouth and down again. So. much. work. I have never felt that tired in my whole life. I tried to think about how I was going to make it to the waiting room without fainting. Finally I saw an ER nurse, dressed in full-body protective gear. She asked me to take my coat off and I had to ask her for help in doing it because I could barley lift my arms. I felt weak and dehydrated because by this point it was 7 pm. Eventually she took my blood and did a chest x-ray. After a few hours of sitting there I started to regain strength. I was shocked to have my chest x-ray come back completely normal, as well as my blood work. The doctor and nurse had NO answers for me and could not explain why I felt the way I did. Of course, they denied me testing again for not meeting criteria.

I went home, half-relieved that my lungs had cleared from the pneumonia and half-confused and puzzled at why I had the most extreme exhaustion I had ever had. Looking back, I think it was just my body finally taking an exhale after a week of physical and mental misery.

Some of you may think I didn't have coronavirus. And I guess I will never know. But it sure seems like I had every possible conceivable coronavirus symptom. And it sure didn't feel like anything I have ever experienced before when it comes to fatigue and breathing problems. What a scary, terrifying week and I couldn't be more relived to have it all over with.

Today is day 16 and I could do a lot today that I haven't been able to do for two weeks- fix my family meals, clean up, play with my kids, take Annie outside and enjoy my time instead of spending 100% of my time focusing on breathing and getting oxygen. I still had to take naps. I still had a lot of uncomfortable nausea and diarrhea today. But it was progress. And I also felt more present with my kids. More grateful for time to make delicious and healthy meals for my family. More gratitude for holding my beautiful one-year-old without thinking I'm going to fall over from fatigue. And more happiness making snowballs with my talkative three-year-old instead of worrying about how I'm going to get back into the house without collapsing. Life is good and I'm so grateful for each day of life. It truly is a gift!