Lately, I admit I've been feeling a bit forgotten of the Lord. I've been dealing with a multitude of health problems, at times that are debilitating and very difficult to deal with physically. It's taken its toll emotionally to not be able to do what I love to do, to hike mountains, to take my kids on grand adventures (without a price) and to have to deal with the life-changing effects of any chronic health issues. It some of my dark moments, I have prayed that I'll be able to feel of His presence, that I would be able to know that He is there for me. I admit that I've been disappointed as I haven't had some grand experience despite fervent prayers. I thought maybe He has forgotten me or that He isn't aware of me. I've even kind of closed my heart off to it.
Then I started to read our Come Follow Me lesson for this week. It was about Job. I happened to contract Covid for the fourth time this week, and had a huge flare-up of all my debilitating symptoms. I don't think it was a coincidence. I am no where near Job's condition, but his example to me has been eye-opening and was just what I have needed to read. I don't think it's a coincidence. I've realized that if I want God to speak to me, I've got to give Him time and space and means to do so. I've got to read His word. As I've done that, my heart has been touched with understanding, my mind has been enlightened, and I've felt His loving and comforting hand break open my disappointed and hardened heart. It has strengthened my resolve to trust in Him despite my not understanding, to trust in myself and my own experience despite others not understanding or believing me, and to humble myself to the dust and endure whatever experiences mortality has in store for me.
I love Job's example of enduring many trials and choosing to recognize his own lack of understanding (and also recognize his own feelings of being forgotten) while also choosing to trust in the Savior. I love his attitude in standing up to others who seek to judge him and label him. I was humbled to read what God says to Job about His omniscience and His power and it made me think, like Job, who am I to judge His timing? Why would I counsel the Lord? He knows way more than me.
I love these quotes from CFM about hope, something I've struggled to have after getting lots of blessings about healing and still not seeing them come to fruition.
Hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ (Nov 1998)
"Life's disappointments often respresent the debris of our failed, proximate hopes. Instead, however, I speak of the crucial need for ultimate hope. Ultimate hope is a different matter. It is tied to Jesus and the blessings of the great Atonement, blessings resulting in the universal Resurrection and the precious opportunity provided thereby for us to practice emancipating repentance, making possible what the scriptures call a 'perfect brightness of hope.'"
"Real hope, therefore is not associated with things mercurial, but rather with things immortal and eternal!"
"Real hope is much moor than wishful musing. It stiffens, not slackens, the spiritual spine. Hope is serene, not giddy, eager without being naive, and pleasantly steady without being smug. Hope is realistic anticipation which takes the form of a determination -- not only to survive adversity but, moreover, to 'endure...well' to the end."
"Indeed, when we are unduly impatient with an omniscience God's timing, we really are suggesting that we know what is best. Strange, isn't it -- we who wear wristwatches seek to counsel Him who oversees cosmic clocks and calendars."
"Granted, those with true hope still see their personal circumstances shaken at times -- like a kaleidoscope. Yet with the 'eye of faith,' even in their changed proximate circumstances, they still see divine design."
Consistent and Resilient Trust (Oct 2019)
"Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.' President Nelson taught, 'The joy the Savior offers [us]...is constant, assuring us that our afflictions shall be but a small moment' and be consecrated to our gain. Our trials and afflictions can make space for greater joy."
I love the idea that sorrow can help us comprehend and "make space for" greater joy!
"As difficult as it is to understand, especially at the times in our lives when the headwinds are strong and the seas are turbulent, we can take comfort in knowing that God in His infinite goodness is always blowing us toward home."
"Trusting in the Lord includes trusting in His timing and requires patience and endurance that outlast the storms of life."
"If we are faithful in keeping our covenants, we too will one day arrive safely home and will bow before the Lord and shed tears of joy for multitude of His tender mercies in our lives, including the sorrows that made space for more joy."
