Annalise's Birth Story
The night before she was born, I went to bed thinking, "It'd be really convenient if she came tonight because then S wouldn't have to go back to work tomorrow." (He had had Friday-Sunday off that weekend and it was so nice to have him around; not to mention we cleaned and prepped the entire house for her arrival). I went to bed kind of restless with thoughts that she might come around 2:00 am that night.
Strangely enough, I woke up at 2:15 am Monday morning to gushes of water. My water had broken. I went to the bathroom and there was a puddle in my underpants. And more coming out. Other than that, I felt completely normal. Aside from a few Braxton-hicks contractions I had had four days prior after a strenuous and long walk with a friend, I hadn't had any contractions.
We called the hospital OB nurses to see what they would recommend. Of course they said to come in right away. (If I could do this again, I would have stayed home for a while and tried other methods to put myself into labor. Rookie mistake).
We packed our bags full of anticipation and a little nervous to meet our little girl. We got to the hospital and because I had tested Strep B + they started pumping me with Penicillin (every hour for 20 minutes). I was still mobile, and the nurses wanted to give me the opportunity to put myself in labor (they knew I wanted to try natural first). I spent the next three hours when I was not on Penicillin in the parking lots jogging (literally! nine months pregnant) and walking fast. I think I probably walked/jogged 5 miles. And I seriously felt great. Which was a little disconcerting because I was supposed to be going into labor. I felt some cramping during the exercise, but when I returned to the hospital room--no contractions. No progress. (I had entered the hospital 1.5 cm dilated).
Our doctor came in around 8:00 and told us that normally, if your water broke and you had not gone into labor within 2-4 hours, they would recommend starting you on Pitocin (an artificial version of Oxytocin) to jump-start your labor. Then he said that since he knew we wanted to try natural, he extended that to 6-7 hours. We were hesitant to get on Pitocin but my body was really not doing anything and I felt totally normal. Finally, we decided to agree to it.
Around 9:30, they started Pitocin. They usually increase the dosage by 1-2 units every 30 minutes, depending on how your body reacts. Some people just need a little Pitocin and their body automatically starts going into labor. Not me! They started me on it and it seemed to take forever before I felt anything. Three hours later, I finally started to feel contractions, but they were not what I would call painful. I could still walk the halls, which we did the whole time (toting the portable medicine thing and sporting two bands around my belly to track contractions/baby's heart rate).
From 12:30-4:00 the contractions began to become more consistent and (what I thought at the time) "painful" (if I had known what was coming, I wouldn't call them that now though! HA). The nurse was amazing. She helped me change positions every thirty minutes. I sat on the birthing ball, toilet, laid on my side, other side, squatted, walked. I tried to implement all of the strategies I had read about: breathing into the contraction, relaxing, etc.
Around 4:00, they checked me and I was at 4 cm dilated. It was a little disappointing. I thought I was further along, but the nurse and doctor reassured me that was "normal." They kept upping my Pitocin through all of this. Every time I heard the nurse "beep" the machine, I felt a lot of dread as I knew the next contraction would be more intense than the last.
Side note: I had read in one of the books about labor about the "emotional signposts of labor." According to the book, the laboring woman first is optimistic, a little nervous, but mostly excited about their new baby. This stage apparently lasts from 1-4 dilation. Then from 4-7 dilation, she enters the "serious" phase of labor. As she progresses into "transition" from 7-10 dilation, she enters the "self-doubt" phase and basically begins to think she can't do it.
At around 4:00 pm after the nurse checked my dilation and said I was at a 4 (I think I was 100% effaced and baby had dropped), she suggested I get into the jacuzzi. The monitors kept slipping off my stomach. It was a pain and kind of limited the positions I could get in. I "liked" the tub (whatever that means). The contractions were getting (what I thought was) really intense and painful. I thought I must be progressing a lot. All of the strategies I read about in the books seemed to not be working anymore. I tried "breathing through the contractions" but I didn't think it helped. I couldn't really relax, either. I started to panic a little bit, but I still thought I was progressing. I think I stayed in the tub for two hours. Time flew!
The doctor arrived two hours later around 6:30 pm and checked my dilation. (Side note: my sister had mentioned that her labors always took forever to progress from 1-4 dilation but then went really fast after that. Because of this, I had the false idea that I was progressing quickly at this point). The doctor announced that I was at 4.5 cm dilated. I couldn't believe it! It was so disheartening. I had labored for two hours, and contractions were getting more intense, and I had only progressed 0.5 centimeters. I totally broke down mentally at this point. I was already exhausted, had been laboring all day and awake since 2:00 am, had eaten very little food (maybe one jello and a popsicle), and now I felt like what I was doing was not even working after two hours. The doctors and nurse reassured me that it was "good progress" but, to be honest, I did not believe them. I felt like they were just trying to make me feel better.
They suggested I get back into the tub, so I did. Contractions got so intense so quickly. I puked all over myself in the tub five times. The contractions were so close together. The nurse decided to decrease the Pitocin after hitting 20 units because my body was "finally reacting" and the contractions were too close together now. I had totally broke down. I felt completely like I couldn't do it anymore, and why was I trying to go natural? I told my husband I wanted an epidural. He tried to assure me that I could do it, but I was emotionally and mentally gone at this point and demanded an epidural.
The nurse called the CRNA. It would take thirty minutes for her to get to the hospital. And then another thirty minutes for paper work and setting up equipment. And then another thirty minutes for her to do the epidural and for it to actually work. That all seemed like an eternity. I wanted it now.
So I labored for another hour and a half through very difficult contractions. She got there at 8:00 pm. I still mentally was convinced that my labor was not progressing at all. I got the epidural and shortly after (at 8:30 pm) the nurse checked my dilation and I was at "almost 9 cm dilated." I could not believe it! I did not know when I got the epidural that I had progressed that quickly (from 4.5 cm dilated to 8.5 cm dilated in 1.5 hours).
I don't know if that would've changed my decision to get the epidural had I known that, but I don't regret getting it at all. I was semi-nervous because you have to sit super still through contractions as she sticks you with the needle. One wrong move and you could be paralyzed! Or have a spinal fluid leak and have a headache for days where it felt like your brain was being pulled through your eye sockets (happened to my sister, her description). But at that point, I just wanted some relief.
Although I wanted to go natural before my labor, I wasn't totally against an epidural. I have known plenty of tough women who have gotten epidurals, with plenty of healthy, normal, wonderful children.
After the epidural, I felt pretty instant relief. Although I could still feel the contractions and tell you when they started/ended, I didn't have to "breathe through them." I was able to relax somewhat. Because I was already at a 9 when the epidural kicked in, I was informed pretty soon thereafter that I needed to start pushing (at around 9:00 pm). They told me to try and relax because pushing would require a lot of effort. I started thinking, "What? Pushing takes effort?"
Side note: I had read in books about pushing and almost everything I read consisted of minimal detail about pushing. Most sources said, "Pushing is a relieving feeling! You will meet your baby soon!" or something to that extent. For this reason, I had little warning about pushing and thought it would go quickly.
The doctor coached me on how we would do the pushing, which I had no knowledge about beforehand. Apparently he wanted me to take a full breath out, then in, hold my breath and push for 10 seconds, fast breath out and in, then push for another 10 seconds, and then repeat. Then, "relax" for a bit, wait for another hard contraction, and push again through the contraction. After the first push, the doctor said, "Oh wow, you are a great pusher! Most first-time mom's take two hours to push the baby out, but you are progressing fast." Forty minutes later, I switched positions. I was getting really exhausted. Really exhausted. Really really exhausted. Even though I had an epidural, I still had some feeling. Pushing was still really hard. I puked all over again. And again. And again.
I began to panic. Why was it taking so long? The room was quiet. I didn't seem like I was progressing, again. The doctor was silent. I switched positions. (I was really happy with my epidural experience. Even though I was numbed and it took the edge off the contractions, I could still move my legs and get in a squatting position. Not all epidurals allow this; most numb you completely). There weren't any more encouraging words from the doctor or nurse. Two hours passed. I was still being told to push. They asked if I wanted to see a mirror so I could see the baby's head. They kept saying the whole time that I was "so close." That got really annoying really quickly. Why was it taking so long? The books I had read said it would be anywhere from 20 min-1 hr or so.
Did I mention that, at this point, I was totally and completely exhausted. I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I worried that I would need to get a C-section because the baby was not coming out, and I didn't know why. Every time the doc left the room, I asked the nurse if he was preparing for a C-section. They seemed a little unnerved that the baby hadn't come out yet. Finally, after two hours, people started filing in. Someone to weight the baby, someone to check respiration, etc. The doctor put on his robes. I started to feel a little more encouraged. But I was so tired, and I still couldn't really tell how close she was to coming out. I told them to move the mirror because all I could see was blood and a view of myself that I had never seen that wasn't very attractive. Plus, I couldn't keep my eyes open during the pushing anyway.
Finally, the doctor said, "You have two or three more pushes and she is out." I let out (another) scream and tried to harness all the power within me to push her out. ONE push later, I felt her head pop out. The room became quiet and the doctor apparently helped to pull her out a little. Her arm/elbow was bent up by her head. Later, the doctor informed me that, had they known her arm was up by her head, they would have had to do a C-section. He also said that is why it took so long for her to get out! It was like pushing a baby plus two arms out (because it was bent).
Because of this, I tore to a 4th degree. I also hemorrhaged and lost a liter of blood. I am still not sure how common that is; maybe that happens all the time. I do know that everyone was tense and it was a bloody mess after she was born for a good while as he stitched me up and tried to stop the bleeding.
The moment she came out, they put her on my chest. She was warm, perfect, wriggling, screaming, and purple. I will never, ever forget that moment of having her on my chest. It was completely and totally overwhelming. I cried, and cried some more. I get emotional even thinking about it. It was a feeling of complete relief that it was over, and complete awe at how perfect she was and how alive she was, and how real she was. And she is mine? I still can't believe it, honestly. A total and complete miracle.
Labor was way harder/more traumatic than I had imagined. Or maybe it was that I dealt with it way more poorly than I had imagined. Pushing was also way harder than I had imagined, or than the books said. The epidural was way better than I had imagined. :)
Right after labor, I requested a big meal. They moved me into the other room. I could walk there, which a lot of people who get epidurals can't do that soon after birth. (Did I mention I was really happy with the level of numbing the epidural provided?)
I'm still unsure about, if we are able to have a second child again, whether I would get an epidural earlier, or whether I would try to go natural again. I hear the second birth is way easier than the first, so I kind of would want to try. But that said, I kind of wish I had gotten the epidural sooner than I did.
The first 10 days of Motherhood
Everyone's stories are different. Everyone's babies are different. Some people struggle a ton with nursing. Some people's nipples are torn off in chunks as their babies adjust. Some people bleed and crack. Some people's babies don't sleep at all. Here's my story.
My recovery has been pretty good. Even though I tore to a fourth degree (the worst you could get), I haven't had much pain down there, surprisingly. I also have horrendous hemorrhoids that are really uncomfortable. I've been on Ibuprofen. I love medicine.
Nursing was hard, but not compared to most people I know. My mom has been here and has commented repeatedly on how easy it has been for me compared to most people (herself included). I got sore and engorged, but have never really bled badly. I was vigilant about applying Lanolin after every feeding. After the first five days, I was seriously engorged but felt like baby was getting some liquid because she was still pooping/peeing. My milk was in and I was pumping daily to deal with the engorgement. I went in to meet with the lactation specialist to verify I was doing things right, and to see if I could start using a pacifier because baby loves to suck. She sat me down and watched what I would do, and weighed the baby before and after my feeding her. Then offered suggestions. She suggested I prop my feet up so that I wasn't crouched over (life saver- I had been having really bad back and neck pain because I wasn't in a good position when feeding her). After the baby ate, I realized she hadn't gained hardly any weight (maybe a few milliliters). Then the lactation specialist showed me how to hold the baby appropriately and latch her, hand-expressing and squeezing the breast so the more milk would come out. After she basically took over the feeding showing me how to do it (on my chest), she weighed the baby again and she had gained 2 oz! After meeting with the specialist, everything changed with breastfeeding. I no longer was engorged, I understood what they meant when they said "empty the breast" (should be floppy), and baby was getting way more food. Gulping it down. We are super lucky.
I worried before having the baby that I would be grumpy, emotional and impatient all the time. And perhaps if she was a terrible sleeper, I would be. Everything would be different if she was, honestly. I don't blame anyone who is. And maybe I will be in a month. I worried that I would hate sitting around and feeling cooped up (and maybe I will in a few months). But I will say that it has been surprising so far how full my heart feels all the time. It has been surprising how much patience I have in the middle of the night. It has been surprising how all I seem to need in life is her little hand holding mine as she is feeding. She is beautiful, perfect, and worth everything I have gone through to get her, and everything I will go through. It has been surprising how much she has brought my husband and I together. I worried before that having a baby so soon after getting married (less than a year) would be a huge struggle and challenge for our marriage. At times during pregnancy when I was emotional and irritable, husband would probably say it has (lol). But I also have seen huge blessings from on high helping us to work through the challenges of being newly married and now with a baby so soon. I believe 100% that God is helping us work through things and augmenting our own efforts.
Motherhood is hard, they say. But it is also amazing and I would not trade my time and energy for anything else in the world at this point. And I can not wait for what each new day with her holds.
