Raise your hand if you have been added, without your consent, to a Facebook Lularoe group? Lipsense? Usbourne books? Norwex? (although that last one doesn't seem as in-your-face in my experience) I'm writing this post mainly to vent about how much I dislike these online marketing schemes, and why. I'll start with an antidote. Someone I know messaged me out of the blue, who I have not talked to nor do I really have a relationship with. They sent me a message about their company inviting me to an online show. I didn't respond, because I'm not interested. They then called me, saying they "were so happy to hear my voice" and wanted to throw me a "virtual baby shower" in celebration of baby's arrival. I didn't respond because I've been sick and just didn't want to deal with it. They then messaged me again on Facebook, listing off how the baby shower would work, what incentives I would get by hosting one, and how I could invite all of my friends to said baby shower.
Here are the things that annoy me about this situation and multi-level marketing in general:
1. Don't pretend we have a relationship or that you are genuinely reaching out to me when I know all you want is my money. Seriously. If you add me to a group, that's cool because I can "leave the group" but why isn't there some way to ask my consent first? Who says I will be interested in your product? If I am, I will reach out to you if you post your profession on your webpage. But don't try to reach out to me solely on the basis that you want me to buy your product. It feels insincere and hurtful.
2. Don't try to get me to do the same to my friends. If my friends want to buy me a baby shower gift, they have already reached out to me or done so by now. I think it is totally inappropriate for me to ask people to join a group to buy me presents. That puts them in an awkward position and me in an awkward position.
3. It has changed the purpose of social media. I'm not anti-change, but it is sometimes overwhelming to get tons of ads on social media in addition to my friends trying to sell me things. It makes an avenue that was meant to build relationships and keep in contact a much less sincere avenue to get gain. And that just bugs me. Do we really need more of that?
4. It preys on people's addictions. I am speaking specifically to Lulaore right now. Some of their stuff is cute. But cute or not, it is vastly overpriced and poorly made and also-- they don't have all sizes in all patterns so it doesn't even make sense to me why someone would want to buy their stuff (although I have admittedly bought 2 of their items and regretted it both times). The only solution that I can see is that it preys on people's addictions. Let me explain. I have seen countless comments of people outright stating their addictions: "I'm a Lularoe addict." or "Hard Monday. Buy Lularoe, lol!" I would like to bet that the majority of Lularoe customers do not have tons of money. They just are addicted to buying things they can't afford. Emotional shopping, in the online form. Or they are addicted to getting a cute package in the mail addressed to them. How can you feel good about your life as a consultant when you are literally making a profit off of people buying clothes they do not need or can not afford?
5. Stop acting like you love your customers. I have also seen countless consultants post things like, "Feeling so grateful for you ladies today." or "Lularoe ladies are the best." or "I've made the best friends through this company." or "I love you ladies." Um, sorry to break your bubble, but you love them because they make you money. They buy your products. How is that true friendship? Someone enlighten me, please.
6. Don't bear your testimony of your company. Say it like it is - advertising. I don't think I need to add anything to this; it's similar to #5. This isn't the gospel, or church, or even truth. It's a business and you are advertising for it. Let's be real, here.
I've never been into sales. Maybe that is the issue. But if someone can explain to me the rationale behind these companies, I'd be happy to explore motives and change my opinion. I'm just fed up with people trying to sell me things I don't need, or using relationships to get gain.
Sunday, March 19, 2017
10 tips for the Engineer's Wife
My husband is an engineer. And a good one, at that. Since the seventh grade, he knew that he wanted to become an engineer. He loved watching and helping his dad do projects around the house, followed him into jobs in high school, worked alongside him as a custodian in the school district, and enjoyed analyzing projects.
The other day we had Samuel's coworker, Ben (also an engineer) and his wife (a teacher) over for dinner. His wife and I became quick friends as it soon became apparent that, both being married to an engineer, we had experienced a ton of similar things. All four of us ended the night laughing about all of the quirks of our engineer husbands, and the challenges and comedy that came as we attempted to merge lives and styles. So, I thought I'd write down a few of the things I've observed after almost ten months of living with my engineer. For those thinking of marrying, currently married to, or wanting to better understand an engineer, I invite you to read my advice below.
Disclaimer: I do not have extensive enough experience with engineers of all sorts to generalize all of these things to all engineers, although that is the stance I am taking in this blog post. Additionally, husband has read these and doesn't find them offensive, just "facts" (his words). Lastly, although I write from a standpoint of embracing and advice-giving, we are still in the process/transition of learning about each other and embracing differences. We are by no means perfect!
1. Your husband will love construction sites just as much as he loves you, maybe more. In the beginning of our marriage, I would get frustrated when we were having a conversation in the car, and all of a sudden, it would come to a halt as S's eyes would wander. No, not to a hot lady on the street passing by, but to a nearby construction site. Our speed would slow, and I would all of a sudden feel like a third wheel, intruding on an intimate moment. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating. But just a little. Let's just say that now, I'm not so surprised when he takes the long way home "just to see what the latest is at the construction site." He is also fascinated by reading the notes of the "Planning and Zoning Committee Meetings." Honestly, you couldn't pay me to read those notes...
2. He will do an insanely better job at doing the dishes (and everything else) than you do. If you were to walk into our home, it would be instantly apparent who did the dishes last. If the dishes are haphazardly stacked, knives and plates every which-way, and maybe a few not quite as clean, you'll know that I cleaned them. (Hey, I try!) But if you see a pile of dishes where all the plates are next to each other, all the utensils are in a neat pile, every dish is sparkling clean, and everything has a logic and order to it, you'll know they were washed by my engineer hubs. Similarly, the one place that I "can't touch," the garage (an engineer's play room), will have a level of organization unknown to most minds. And trust me, I won't touch it, because it looks dangggg good.
3. His insane attention to detail will offer a great perspective different from your own; it may also lead to differences in communication styles. While his astute attention to detail may mean that some tasks take twice as long, it will also mean that his perspective will be very valuable to you. You will soon realize that you think, process, and communicate very differently. If you're like S and I, this will mean that he will prefer to communicate in detail the entire story, process, etc. without interruption, while you may prefer to have a back-and-forth conversation where interruptions abound. It will take time to learn to not resent these differences as they can be both challenging and beneficial to your teamwork and perspective as a whole.
4. Get used to a cushy life where nothing is broken. If you're like me, you've lived in dumpy places (trailer-houses, bunkers, anything that is cheap-as-dirt) for the majority of your "adult" life, and you were fine with that. It even became a sort of trademark. Bunker babes. Trouse. It was all kind of cool, right? You were used to broken doorknobs, toilets that slanted, and faucets that dripped. It became part of your life. Until you met your engineer husband. When I first moved in with Samuel, and was still getting used to our house, I would ask things like, "Does the dishwasher work?" or "Does this work?" His usual response was, "If it doesn't work, I fix it. Everything in this house works." I soon realized that living with an engineer was insanely convenient. I honestly feel like I'm living the life now.
5. They often forget to eat. This is a problem I never, ever have. I love food. And maybe not all engineers are like this. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be an engineer trait. Oftentimes, S will get so focused on a task that he will forget to do all other things. Embrace the fact that you get to decide what's for dinner and remind him to eat it. :) That same insane focus that he exhibits towards projects will prove to be so vital when it's directed at you. It will help you feel loved and cared for because he will be committed to giving you what you need when you need it.
6. Engineers are amazingly committal and loyal. I read this in an article somewhere. While it's not possibly true that all engineers are great partners, the article stated that because the profession requires concentration, effort, and seeing projects through to the end, this same mindset often translates into relationships. At least in my relationship with S, this was definitely true. He is a problem-solver, and although his strategy for solving problems may differ from mine, he has always been amazingly, unwaveringly committed and loyal to our relationship, even when setbacks present themselves.
7. Awkward silences in social situations aren't awkward to engineers. At our dinner, this is the one we laughed hardest about. Moments where most of other people may cringe in awkwardness in social situations will not seem awkward to an engineer. While this is somewhat a dude trait, it is accentuated in engineer dudes. For example, you get a group of engineers together, and they are perfectly content to just sit there and not talk. Or to have conversations disjointed by long, seemingly awkward silences. The best/most alarming part? No one in the room finds it awkward. The silences may at first make you cringe, then you embrace the freedom of not having to talk/entertain (or embrace the opportunity for you to rattle off your latest thoughts uninhibited with a captive audience, in my situation).
8. Give the man his space to work on projects, and don't micromanage. No dude likes it when his woman tells him what to do. But engineers especially need the space and time to "tinker." They enjoy it as much as you enjoy a sundae. Or an apple crisp. Resist the urge to take it personally when they get going on a project that lasts later than anticipated. They need that time to wind-down and let their creative juices flow and make sense out of their universe.
9. Contrary to some perspectives, engineers are incredibly creative. Expect them to have different, valuable, and creative solutions to problems that may arise. For example, the other day, I was mentioning to S that I felt like we weren't getting enough vegetables in our diet. I felt like we needed to get more of them. He responded, in all sincerity, with, "Well, we can start by googling all the vegetables in the world." I couldn't help but laugh at his suggestion because it was one I would never think to try. Later on, S designed and built a stable for my sister and her husband as a Christmas gift. I was amazed at his ability to design and think outside the box, to assimilate information and create something unique and awesome. Harness your husband's creativity! Our stable is something I will treasure forever because it was designed by him.
10. Enjoy the carharts and work clothes. He'll wear them often and they're super sexy. Winkwink. He just bought four pairs the other day "for work" but then he was sporting them things on our date night. I guess you've always got to be prepared for unplanned construction opportunities, spontaneous opportunities to fix something. ;)
The other day we had Samuel's coworker, Ben (also an engineer) and his wife (a teacher) over for dinner. His wife and I became quick friends as it soon became apparent that, both being married to an engineer, we had experienced a ton of similar things. All four of us ended the night laughing about all of the quirks of our engineer husbands, and the challenges and comedy that came as we attempted to merge lives and styles. So, I thought I'd write down a few of the things I've observed after almost ten months of living with my engineer. For those thinking of marrying, currently married to, or wanting to better understand an engineer, I invite you to read my advice below.
Disclaimer: I do not have extensive enough experience with engineers of all sorts to generalize all of these things to all engineers, although that is the stance I am taking in this blog post. Additionally, husband has read these and doesn't find them offensive, just "facts" (his words). Lastly, although I write from a standpoint of embracing and advice-giving, we are still in the process/transition of learning about each other and embracing differences. We are by no means perfect!
1. Your husband will love construction sites just as much as he loves you, maybe more. In the beginning of our marriage, I would get frustrated when we were having a conversation in the car, and all of a sudden, it would come to a halt as S's eyes would wander. No, not to a hot lady on the street passing by, but to a nearby construction site. Our speed would slow, and I would all of a sudden feel like a third wheel, intruding on an intimate moment. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating. But just a little. Let's just say that now, I'm not so surprised when he takes the long way home "just to see what the latest is at the construction site." He is also fascinated by reading the notes of the "Planning and Zoning Committee Meetings." Honestly, you couldn't pay me to read those notes...
2. He will do an insanely better job at doing the dishes (and everything else) than you do. If you were to walk into our home, it would be instantly apparent who did the dishes last. If the dishes are haphazardly stacked, knives and plates every which-way, and maybe a few not quite as clean, you'll know that I cleaned them. (Hey, I try!) But if you see a pile of dishes where all the plates are next to each other, all the utensils are in a neat pile, every dish is sparkling clean, and everything has a logic and order to it, you'll know they were washed by my engineer hubs. Similarly, the one place that I "can't touch," the garage (an engineer's play room), will have a level of organization unknown to most minds. And trust me, I won't touch it, because it looks dangggg good.
3. His insane attention to detail will offer a great perspective different from your own; it may also lead to differences in communication styles. While his astute attention to detail may mean that some tasks take twice as long, it will also mean that his perspective will be very valuable to you. You will soon realize that you think, process, and communicate very differently. If you're like S and I, this will mean that he will prefer to communicate in detail the entire story, process, etc. without interruption, while you may prefer to have a back-and-forth conversation where interruptions abound. It will take time to learn to not resent these differences as they can be both challenging and beneficial to your teamwork and perspective as a whole.
4. Get used to a cushy life where nothing is broken. If you're like me, you've lived in dumpy places (trailer-houses, bunkers, anything that is cheap-as-dirt) for the majority of your "adult" life, and you were fine with that. It even became a sort of trademark. Bunker babes. Trouse. It was all kind of cool, right? You were used to broken doorknobs, toilets that slanted, and faucets that dripped. It became part of your life. Until you met your engineer husband. When I first moved in with Samuel, and was still getting used to our house, I would ask things like, "Does the dishwasher work?" or "Does this work?" His usual response was, "If it doesn't work, I fix it. Everything in this house works." I soon realized that living with an engineer was insanely convenient. I honestly feel like I'm living the life now.
5. They often forget to eat. This is a problem I never, ever have. I love food. And maybe not all engineers are like this. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it might be an engineer trait. Oftentimes, S will get so focused on a task that he will forget to do all other things. Embrace the fact that you get to decide what's for dinner and remind him to eat it. :) That same insane focus that he exhibits towards projects will prove to be so vital when it's directed at you. It will help you feel loved and cared for because he will be committed to giving you what you need when you need it.
6. Engineers are amazingly committal and loyal. I read this in an article somewhere. While it's not possibly true that all engineers are great partners, the article stated that because the profession requires concentration, effort, and seeing projects through to the end, this same mindset often translates into relationships. At least in my relationship with S, this was definitely true. He is a problem-solver, and although his strategy for solving problems may differ from mine, he has always been amazingly, unwaveringly committed and loyal to our relationship, even when setbacks present themselves.
7. Awkward silences in social situations aren't awkward to engineers. At our dinner, this is the one we laughed hardest about. Moments where most of other people may cringe in awkwardness in social situations will not seem awkward to an engineer. While this is somewhat a dude trait, it is accentuated in engineer dudes. For example, you get a group of engineers together, and they are perfectly content to just sit there and not talk. Or to have conversations disjointed by long, seemingly awkward silences. The best/most alarming part? No one in the room finds it awkward. The silences may at first make you cringe, then you embrace the freedom of not having to talk/entertain (or embrace the opportunity for you to rattle off your latest thoughts uninhibited with a captive audience, in my situation).
8. Give the man his space to work on projects, and don't micromanage. No dude likes it when his woman tells him what to do. But engineers especially need the space and time to "tinker." They enjoy it as much as you enjoy a sundae. Or an apple crisp. Resist the urge to take it personally when they get going on a project that lasts later than anticipated. They need that time to wind-down and let their creative juices flow and make sense out of their universe.
9. Contrary to some perspectives, engineers are incredibly creative. Expect them to have different, valuable, and creative solutions to problems that may arise. For example, the other day, I was mentioning to S that I felt like we weren't getting enough vegetables in our diet. I felt like we needed to get more of them. He responded, in all sincerity, with, "Well, we can start by googling all the vegetables in the world." I couldn't help but laugh at his suggestion because it was one I would never think to try. Later on, S designed and built a stable for my sister and her husband as a Christmas gift. I was amazed at his ability to design and think outside the box, to assimilate information and create something unique and awesome. Harness your husband's creativity! Our stable is something I will treasure forever because it was designed by him.
10. Enjoy the carharts and work clothes. He'll wear them often and they're super sexy. Winkwink. He just bought four pairs the other day "for work" but then he was sporting them things on our date night. I guess you've always got to be prepared for unplanned construction opportunities, spontaneous opportunities to fix something. ;)
Friday, March 3, 2017
Learning to Love Winter, from an NC girl
When I first visited Samuel in McCall, it was winter. It was unlike a winter I had ever experienced - the entire city was covered in blankets of white, beautiful, snow. The city was quiet, and the sky was filled with pastel hues. It was unlike any other "winter" I had ever experienced.
I grew up in North Carolina, and was accustomed to going biking in shorts in December. Then I moved to Salt Lake City, and while I enjoyed the occasional trip to the mountains to ski in the winter time, the majority of my time was spent anxiously trying to navigate snow-covered streets (that were more brown than white) in a Nissan unaccustomed to snow-driving. Winter to me meant grey, cloudy skies for months.
So when Sam and I got married and I moved to McCall, I was a little nervous about living in a town where winter normally lasts nearly 6 months. My experiences with winter had been mostly negative up until that point. Still, I couldn't help but feel excited about how incredibly beautiful winter actually was. Nor could I help but feel excited by a challenge that I've never confronted before.
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| Tree-cutting territory. December 2016 |
1. Try to get out every day. Whether it is going on a walk/stroll, a snowshoe hike, or a ski. Cabin fever is real, but is easily avoidable. A friend of mine told me once, "There is no reason you should ever be bored in McCall in any season. There is so much to do and explore." It is a lot of effort to put on all the gear sometimes to keep warm, but I have never regretted getting out and exercising. Not to mention enjoying the unique scenery that changes every day during the winter season. Even if you've done the trail before, it could look totally different from one day to the next.
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| Snowshoeing to the peak of Ponderosa State Park - quite the view |
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| Hot springs in a winter wonderland |
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| Skiing on a snowy day |
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| Skiing on a sunny day - totally different, right? |
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| Sunset over a frozen lake Payette |
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| Skiing at sunset is one of my favorite times to go - the tops of the trees are fiery and sun-tipped while it freezes as the trunks go down. So beautiful! |
2. Invest in good gear. The only reason winter is inconvenient or unenjoyable is because of bad gear. Good gear prevents you from getting too cold, and allows you to do activities that are enjoyable in the winter. A car that can handle icy or snowy roads will curb the anxiety you may normally feel driving in sub-par weather conditions. And too cold? Put on four more layers.
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| Cross-country skis have saved me. |
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| Zero degree temperatures are cold but doable when you have a buff or balaclava :) And when you're pregnant and hot all the time. |
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| Can I emphasize cross-country skis enough? |
3. Learn to love winter town culture. Winter used to mean a big, long list of things I can't do. And while I miss trail running and kayaking, I've discovered that there is a whole slew of new activities and things that happen during the winter. S & I have enjoyed hockey games, figure skating shows, winter carnivals and ice sculpture contests, fireworks over a frozen lake, polar plunges, ski contests, hot springs, and so much more. Not to mention all the things I can't do this winter because I'm pregnant: ice skating, sledding, tubing, downhill/backcountry skiing, fat-biking, skate skiing. Or the things we haven't even gotten into: ice fishing!?
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| Figure-skating show, January 2017 |
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| Hockey Game, January 2017 |
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| Winter Carnival ice sculpture, February 2017 |
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| Figure skating show, Winter Carnival February 2017 |
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| More ice sculptures throughout town |
4. Plan a cabin-fever series during the hardest months. Last week, I met with a group of ladies that attend my church meetings to discuss some activities us ladies can do in the next few months when the weather gets muddy, it's too warm to ski, and winter seems to drag. We planned a group snowshoe hike, a movie night, book club events, hikes, and hot spring outings. Some towns have other classes during the winter like painting, genealogy, sewing classes, etc. Whether your town offers these or not, plan activities/goals/projects that you can accomplish to keep your mind engaged and to keep you from going crazy. It is always a good idea if you are an extrovert like me to involve friends in these activities. Maybe you have a goal to read a whole series of a certain book? Watch a whole series of movies? Sew something? Get caught up on presents for other people? This is a great time for that. It's also a good idea to plan a trip as a family during the hardest months. For example, go to Moab every March or somewhere warm every March. We haven't been able to do that this year because of the pregnancy but I'd be interested in doing it in the future.
5. Recognize that there is a season to everything and nothing lasts forever. While I have no earthly idea how the 6 feet of snow in my front lawn will ever melt, it will melt. And if you're like me and are still adjusting to the idea that almost everything is temporary, so don't freak out about certain emotions or lulls or feelings of antsy. They are temporary. Seasons change, so enjoy the beauty of each time of life and all the challenges and joys that they bring.
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