I am now 15.5 weeks this morning. I know some people say, "This pregnancy just flew by!" but to be honest, I'm not feeling like that...maybe because it's new, and I am hyper-aware of my body right now as I have a lot of time to pay attention to it and it is constantly changing.
I downloaded an app called "What to Expect when You're Expecting." It includes weekly videos of your baby's development (usually littered with weird analogies to fruit and corny sayings), daily articles that are either meant to freak you out or make you feel like, "Oh, so that's why I was acting or feeling like that", advertisements for a plethora of things you probably need to eventually buy, and my favorite tab, "Your Body."
Every time I click on the "Your Body" tab, I feel like I am Katniss from Hunger Games and I am entering the arena - about to become aware of a series of random things (or symptoms) bent on causing my destruction.
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Swarms of bees that cause hallucinations? Ok, got it.
(Cute) Parasite in your body that will scream out if you don't eat every two hours? Got it, ok.
Pack of wolves that will rip you to shreds? Ok, I guess I'm ready for that one.
Bloating and gas that causes socially awkward situations and makes you look like you're six months pregnant instead of 1? Yeah, ok, cool. BRING IT.
Lack of water that causes near-death dehydration that can only be saved by a merciful onlooker who will provide water floating from heaven? Done.
Lack of food after that two hour mark, riding the bus with ravaging hunger that can only be saved by an aptly-placed Lunchable (formerly disgusting to you) at the Campus Book store? Ok, got it.
Fire that burns through the forest in your direction bent on killing you? You got this Katniss.
Emotional mood swings that make you difficult to be around, crying at a dead ant, or exhausted by 8 pm? GOT IT.
Teammates that are trying to kill you and steal your supplies? I will not give up!
Pants that don't fit, runs that don't feel good ever, hikes that are slower and harder than they should be, heightened sense of smell, joints and body that feels like they are falling apart (are my limbs still attached?), forgetfulness (hasn't that been happening for years already? uh-oh), possible DECREASES IN VISION? Bring me MY BOW, man.
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Don't get me wrong. Compared to everyone else on the planet, my pregnancy so far has been mild. I've only puked once or twice, and I luckily have a schedule that allows me to sleep 9 hours a night (or more), do Yoga every morning. It kind of makes me think I might give birth to the devil. I mean, it would only be fair to all those other mothers who have had terrible pregnancies (and make sure to tell me about it, or at least cause me to feel a literal wave of guilt every time I answer, "How are you feeling?" )?
The most surprising element of pregnancy has been the responses of some* of my friends who already have multiple children and have been through pregnancy.
*[Note: this by far has not been the experience or perspective of all of my mother friends, just some.]
Their responses are mostly summed up by this video by Studio C, which I have found hilariously accurate:
Obviously isn't this bad, but I can't tell you how many times I get the response, "That's what I was like before I had kids..." and "I used to want more than one kid before I had one kid." or "I remember the days when I used to XYZ before I had kids..." or "Just have super super low expectations and expect your life to be miserable and then you'll be fine."
I understand having kids will rock my world in ways, I am sure, that I can not even fathom at the moment. And I will experience many, many moments where my expectations will need to be adjusted. Or maybe even surprises and unforeseen adjustments. But, for heaven sake, don't write my story for me! And make sure to share some positive aspects of parenthood with me.
This morning I was browsing through a friend's blog and bravely clicked on the "birth story" post of her first child. It was beautiful, and terrifying, and beautiful. Yesterday I babysat my nieces and was reminded of how much I love kids, only half-worried that I wouldn't love my own as much as I love my nieces and nephews. I visited my friend last night and held her one-year old on my lap and was surprised by the unsuspecting joy of the weight of his little wiry body on my lap, his endless fascination with my hair clip, and his big unassuming blue eyes looking up at me (and I didn't even know the kid).
Parenthood rocks your world, and check my blog in a year after I've had a baby for a while and I'm sure you'll find a different story than this one. Experience has a way of changing you in ways you may not have anticipated, and I respect that 100%. But for now, I'm excited for the wild ride of this future of ours.
PS. I'm really looking forward to being home again with this guy. On the top of Ponderosa peak. Missing him all. the. time.
Haha! You just want to be Katniss, don't you?? You should write a book and call it "Pregnancy Games." :) You got this, girl!
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